Unit 4  Section 2Suicide
Vignette
At one o'clock, I heard they had found him. He'd parked his car, walked off the road and held a shotgun to his head. His wife was the last person to see him when, a few days ago, he left for work and never came back, leaving no sign, no note, not bothering to transfer his bank assets to his wife's account or show in the smallest way that he was putting his affairs in order, giving no inkling, preparing nothing--on the contrary, he'd sent away for some home improvement books just a few weeks earlier
Hank, nobody knew you, the most secret parts of you, tucked far within the mountain, fed by veins of anger and pain, of which we saw only vague signs amid the scree. We didn't follow them to their deepest source, just as you never fully emerged into our world. We thought you were one of us, a colleague, a doctor, a teacher, but you turned your back on all that as though it contained nothing to redeem you. And so losing you, we also lost a little of our own worth, leaving us doubly bereft.
I have often thought about Hank--every week as I enter the residency clinic, the shock of his sweet smile greets me as I pass his portrait hung in memoriam in the hallway. I think about the secrets we carry, and I think about my own secrets; about how I sat down with my first patient that afternoon just moments after I'd heard of Hank's death, having to gather myself and forge on, doing my job as a healer, tending like a boatman to the river crossing, my patients' aches and pains and troubles flowing past, unstoppable, through the family practice clinic, sweeping my thoughts away from Hank’s death and so washing for a while with the balm of forgetfulness the dark recesses of my distress.
The purpose of this section is to undertand the causes of suicidal behavior and its prevention, as well as its impact on survivors.
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